My husband and I decided that we wanted to begin a new chapter in our lives and have a baby. We started the process of trying, and I quickly became obsessed with everything I could do to make it more effective. I thought I could plan everything out and that getting pregnant would be easy. To my surprise, it was not. Each month, I would plan and do research, and I would think, “Surely this time it would work.” Then, at the end of the month, I would be heartbroken that I was not pregnant. This would go on for a few months.
One day, my mother and mother-in-law said that I should start going with the flow and not be so fixated on getting pregnant. They said that it would happen when it was meant to be. The first thought I had when they said this to me was, “Do they even know me?” I am a planner, and I like to be in control, so that sounded like the complete opposite of me. I did not listen at first and went through another month doing things my way, but I was heartbroken again. Then I thought to myself, maybe I should listen to what my mother and mother-in-law were saying. At that moment, I decided that I was going to go with the flow and not plan that month.
It was very uncomfortable for me to stop researching and not plan at all. I actually felt sad because I did not even know what to do with myself anymore. I have always considered myself a Christian, but what I did not know at the time was that I would soon be forever changed by God. During one of my sad nights, when I was feeling lost and hopeless in bed, I heard the song “At the Cross” by Chris Tomlin playing in my head. I could not remember all the lyrics, and I had this urge to look up the song and read them. As I came to the end of the song, I saw the lyrics “ Here my hope is found, here on holy ground.” I instantly started bawling but, what was crazy was that I was smiling the whole time. I felt so much comfort in that moment. It felt like Jesus was hugging me and giving me a shoulder to cry on. I felt at peace and so loved by Him. I experienced the Holy Spirit. Jesus took my pain away and replaced it with hope and love. All I needed to do from that point on was trust Him wholeheartedly and know that He has a plan for me. I just needed to be patient and trust His perfect timing. From that day on, I was forever changed. I wanted more of the Lord; I was hungry for His presence. I instantly wanted to pick up the Bible. I started in the Gospels and I am still reading the Bible and learning God’s wisdom every day.
From then on I had God to lean on each month. I trusted His planning and no longer trusted my own. There were still hard days in the trying process, but I had to surrender and put all my faith in God. God has a purpose and a plan for your life. During the process of trying for a baby, God was teaching me so much. When you are going through trials, that is your learning season! I changed so much as a person during this time. At month 10 of trying for a baby, I found out I was pregnant! I began crying and praising God! For a couple of hours, it was just God and me who knew, and that was a sacred moment. Then I was able to tell my husband, and he was extremely excited too! Our baby is my testimony and our precious answered prayer.
Wisdom & Word 